We're so happy to highlight Jasmine as our first Emme Mama. Jasmine just recently had her fourth child and is always having honest and important conversations about motherhood on Instagram (you can follow her @jasicamilledore). We really admire this mama and know y'all will too.
Tell us a little bit about you.
Hi I'm Jasmine, a wife and mother of four living in the Philadelphia area. Moved here two years ago from Las Vegas, NV so that my husband and I could start a church here. My husband works and has blessed me in the ability to stay home with our children.
You just gave birth recently and now have four kids! How is it going? How has the adjustment been?
The adjustment is going pretty smoothly to be honest. Before I had my son I was trying to think of ways I could make it easier. I already have a daily routine in place with the other three, which helps a bunch, but I realized it was going to be more mental for me. I came to the realization that I needed to lower my expectations of myself and those in my home a lot. Pretty much to zero. Doing that has freed me. So now with the new baby I don’t have to feel like I have to reach the high expectations I once had and am able to enjoy and go with the flow.
How are you giving yourself grace lately?
By lowering my expectations I have given myself the ability to have grace on myself. No longer do I feel like I have to have a clean home and have dinner cooked every night. As well as, giving myself grace on my body going back to “normal.”
You have mentioned before that you feel like motherhood has changed you. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Motherhood has changed me in many ways and differently with each child. With my first I learned I could love another despite all my past traumas and me saying I'd never love again. My second I learned to be more compassionate and to love myself. How can I tell my daughter to love herself, but I'm struggling with insecurities? My third taught me to trust in God more than ever and realize that he truly has my back and is always there for me. My fourth has taught me that being still and living slower is okay. I don’t always have to go go go.
Any advice on important conversations to have with your spouse before having a baby?
Before having a baby I spoke to my spouse about my fears, doubts and/or worries that I had pertaining to labor and delivery. We also made up a birth plan of how he could help me during labor. My husband always does great in that area of supporting me and being my advocate in the hospital. We also spoke about ways I will need him to help once home with baby. I feel having those conversations has helped us have smooth transitions with bringing baby home and with our kids.
What helps you when you feel overwhelmed by motherhood? Any advice to a new mama who feels like she’s drowning?
Stop what you're doing and give yourself time. A lot of time. We try to take on everything for everyone and never stop for us. Implementing self-care is so important daily to me. That could be painting my nails, journaling, 30 min alone, a hot undisturbed shower. Anything. As well as, speaking to your husband on ways he can help you. It should never be solely you doing everything. He is your partner to help you.
What helped you cope & heal from postpartum depression and/or anxiety?
Number one, God and a lot of prayer. Being open about what i was going through with my husband and having a close friend that would just listen to me and guide me through it when i was having anxiety was a blessing. I also realized my triggers and tried to avoid those as much as possible. I also started journaling again which helped tremendously.
It's Black Breastfeeding Week. Can you talk to us a little bit about why it's an important topic to highlight?
I grew up never seeing a black family member breastfeed that I can remember. I was never educated or shown support that I could breastfeed besides by my mother and close friends, who were not black and were breastfeeding at the time. I have been told I can go on WIC to get free formula with the assumption that I was not going to breastfeed.
Black Breastfeeding Week was created because 3 black women noticed that Breastfeeding Week did not really touch on the issues of breastfeeding in the black community. They wanted to bring attention to the difficulties and challenges that black women face during this day of breastfeeding; to encourage black women to breastfeed more, to break the stigma and heal the trauma of our ancestors and to show the world that black women breastfeed too!
Thank you so much Jasmine for sharing your heart and wisdom with us. You can follow this amazing mama on instagram here.