AUGUST 2020

Moms We Admire with Jasmine

A Philadelphia mama of four on lowering the bar to zero, healing from postpartum anxiety, and why Black Breastfeeding Week matters.

For this installment of Moms We Admire, we're spotlighting Jasmine — wife, mother of four, and the very first mama we featured in this series. She had just given birth to her fourth son when we spoke, and she was doing what she always does: telling the truth about motherhood, out loud.

Tell us a little about yourself:

Hi, I'm Jasmine, a wife and mother of four living in the Philadelphia area. We moved here two years ago from Las Vegas so that my husband and I could start a church. He works, and has blessed me with the ability to stay home with our children.

You just had your fourth baby. How has the adjustment been?

Pretty smoothly, to be honest. Before he came I was trying to think of ways I could make it easier. I already have a daily routine in place with the other three, which helps a bunch — but I realized it was going to be more mental for me.

I came to the realization that I needed to lower my expectations of myself and everyone in my home. Pretty much to zero. Doing that has freed me. Now I don't have to feel like I have to reach the high expectations I once had, and I'm able to enjoy it and go with the flow.

How are you giving yourself grace lately?

By lowering my expectations, I've given myself the ability to have grace on myself. No longer do I feel like I have to have a clean home and dinner cooked every night. And I've given myself grace about my body going back to “normal.”

You've said motherhood has changed you. Can you tell us how?

In many ways, and differently with each child. With my first I learned I could love another despite all my past traumas, and despite me saying I'd never love again. With my second I learned to be more compassionate and to love myself — how can I tell my daughter to love herself while I'm struggling with insecurities?

My third taught me to trust in God more than ever, and to realize that he truly has my back. My fourth has taught me that being still and living slower is okay. I don't always have to go go go.

What helps you when you feel overwhelmed by motherhood?

Stop what you're doing and give yourself time. A lot of time. We try to take on everything for everyone and never stop for us. Implementing self-care daily is so important to me — that could be painting my nails, journaling, thirty minutes alone, a hot undisturbed shower. Anything.

And speak to your husband about the ways he can help you. It should never be solely you doing everything. He is your partner.

What helped you cope and heal from postpartum depression and anxiety?

Number one, God and a lot of prayer. Being open with my husband about what I was going through, and having a close friend who would just listen and guide me through it when I was anxious, was a blessing. I also learned my triggers and tried to avoid them as much as possible. And I started journaling again, which helped tremendously.

It's Black Breastfeeding Week. Why is it an important topic to highlight?

I grew up never seeing a Black family member breastfeed that I can remember. I was never educated or shown support that I could breastfeed, besides by my mother and by close friends who were not Black and were breastfeeding at the time. I have been told I can go on WIC to get free formula, with the assumption that I was not going to breastfeed.

Black Breastfeeding Week was created because three Black women noticed that Breastfeeding Week did not really touch on the issues of breastfeeding in the Black community. They wanted to bring attention to the difficulties and challenges Black women face; to encourage Black women to breastfeed more, to break the stigma and heal the trauma of our ancestors, and to show the world that Black women breastfeed too.

Moms We Admire is an ongoing EMME series celebrating the mothers in our community.