NOVEMBER 2020

Moms We Admire with Jennifer

A photographer, homeschooler, and foster and adoptive mama on holding joy and sorrow at the very same time.

For this installment of Moms We Admire, we sat down with Jennifer — photographer, homeschooler, foster and adoptive parent, and devoted vintage thrifter, living in the woods in Maryland with her husband and three, soon to be four, children. We admire the way she cares for her kids, and this conversation is full of practical wisdom for anyone homeschooling for the first time or considering foster care.

Tell us a little about yourself:

I'm Jennifer, 30 years old, living in the woods in Maryland with my husband and three, soon to be four, children. I'm a photographer, homeschooler, foster and adoptive parent, and vintage thrifter.

What inspired you to homeschool your children?

My husband and I were both homeschooled for our first few years, so we always saw it as an option, although it was never really something I was super excited about. There was a good bit of hesitation at the beginning. Ultimately, we just gathered books, signed the forms and jumped in.

It's not easy being a one-income family, especially in Maryland, but the privilege of being home with my kids has been nothing short of amazing. There tends to be a divide between school life and the rest of life, and we really wanted to blend those. We want our kids to see their education not as something to be used off in the future someday, but as their life right now.

So many mothers are homeschooling for the first time. Any advice for them?

We loved our private school experience, but we saw that our lives were spent there, and we wanted more of life spent with our children. I was introduced to the philosophy of Charlotte Mason, a British educator and writer, and it helped me see that I can provide a beautiful education to my kids right at home by creating “an atmosphere, a discipline and a life.”

Education is so much more than academics, and once I realized and embodied that, it truly set me free to enjoy something that had been very daunting at the beginning. I'd encourage new homeschoolers to get organized, but know that no amount of manipulatives and homeschool stuff can replace simply learning, enjoying, and spending focused time with your kids. Let them be kids and watch them.

What are your favorite homeschool resources?

We really enjoyed The Peaceful Press curricula for our first few years — very simple yet full, and a great way to introduce formal learning in the early years. We're now using A Gentle Feast as well as The Good and the Beautiful and absolutely loving both. I'm pretty minimalist when it comes to homeschool stuff, so we keep it contained, except when it comes to books. Thrift stores are my favorite resource.

You're also a foster and adoptive family. Can you tell us about that journey?

We became foster parents after considering adoption and seeing how great the need is right in our backyard. We got licensed in early 2017 and had a few short-term placements until we got the call for our little Javier. We met him the day he was born and ended up adopting him this past February.

We still have a really close relationship with his family and strive to make it a relationship we all will have forever. It's been an incredibly challenging three years, but seeing how God has paved the way through the entire story has been awesome to watch. Even when we thought Javi was heading home, we could see goodness there.

Do you have any words of wisdom you come back to often?

It was helpful for me to remember that in foster care, it is perfectly fine to feel conflicting emotions all at the same time. So much of the past three years was full of both joy and sorrow, and I would often not know how to process what I was feeling. Through counseling, I was able to see that life in general is never black and white, and it's ok to lean into either side of your emotions at particular times.

So when I could, I really tried to empathize and be sensitive to the sorrows of this story, and other times I had to work hard to feel the incredible joy that was set before me. It's weird to think of those emotions as a choice, but I think it helps to process them, and to understand that they will always be there.

How can women support families in their community who are fostering?

Tangibly: meals, short babysitting, and random coffee drop-offs are always welcome. But even more than tangible help, emotional encouragement is really important — and it comes with a caveat. Foster families are legally obligated to confidentiality, so supporting someone without expecting to know the full story is really, really appreciated.

It's so awkward for us when people ask questions, even with the best intentions, and we have to constantly say, “I really can't share anything about that.” So just being there for us with what we can share is a real blessing. Maybe start questions with, “It's ok if you aren't able to share, but…” Even that makes it a little easier and still keeps the connection.

What helps you when you feel overwhelmed by motherhood?

Prayer has been a huge help. I'm definitely a highly sensitive person, so three messy, loud kids running under my feet while I manage everything else can be overstimulating. Taking deep breaths and praying with my kids is a great way to self-regulate and truly helps us get back to a place of connection.

My husband is such a support too. He's worked from home well before Covid and we love this set-up for our family. He loves to play hard with the kids and encourages lots of outside time. I enjoy thrifting, so he pushes me to find times when he can take the kids for a morning while I shop our local stores. He's so thoughtful about encouraging me to keep learning and pursuing things that help me grow.

Moms We Admire is an ongoing EMME series celebrating the mothers in our community.